sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Just took my morning after pill in the library
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
