I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
We just shotgunned beers for America
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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