from now on my penis is your penis
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
