It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
