mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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