Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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