She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
