We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
