did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
