I'm lost and stupid without you.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
