Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
