She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
