Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
organizing the empties. That sober.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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