as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
