im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
