Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
