I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
