I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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