Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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