Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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