you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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