Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Randomize
