I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
