Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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