I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I licked your asshole in confidence.
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