Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
