I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
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Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
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Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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