Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
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