ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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