Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
