I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
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