You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
