Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
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