People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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