Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
They have beer where we have blood.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
