girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
