Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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