Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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