idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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