i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
