are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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