I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
how does that bad decision feel?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
