i jhust puked up my retainher.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
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