I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
