she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
