i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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