So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
