sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Randomize
