I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
