my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
