My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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