forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
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