Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
