just come out here and I will go home with you...
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
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