K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
