i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
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It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
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Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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