Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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