I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I can't put those talents on a resume
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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