Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
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i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
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