Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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