we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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