somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
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Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
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She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
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