I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
