Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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