my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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