No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
