Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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