i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
