he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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