I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
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