Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
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