I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
