Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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