I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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