YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
