I am full of burrito and curiosity
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
