there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
