you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
