At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
