if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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