I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
